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Midwest Book Review: 5 STARS
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BOOK
REVIEW by Dan Hays
in Statesman Journal
--appeared on June 15, 2003--
Help for teens
Some books are just plain useful. And welcome.
If you have pre-teens or teenagers in your house or
in your life, take a look at “May I Kiss You?:
A Candid Look at Dating, Communication, Respect &
Sexual Assault Awareness,” by Michael J. Domitrz.
This is a fresh, practical and strong-willed book
about mutual respect and understanding. It tells young
people how to express their affections in respectful
and clear ways. It teaches them how to avoid the assumptions
that lead to conflict and problems and it explains
what sexual assault is.
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"A good common sense approach to creating respectful
relationships and avoiding sexual assault, understanding
its trauma, and helping a survivor. This book will
be valuable for any young person who is thinking about
what kind of relationship they want and how to insure
that they are healthy."
-
Alan Berkowitz, Independent Consultant for Sexual
Assault Issues
"Domitrz’s work is insightful, identifying
the problems that can arise when men and women rely
solely on body language, assumptions and interpretation
to guide their actions."
- Youth Today (September Issue)
"I really enjoy this book. I have recommended it to all of my friends. I would really like to help spread the
importance of knowing dating, communication, respect, and Sexual Assault Awareness. I think this book will affect so many people in so many
different ways. Everyone should read it!!!!!
- Brooke, A teenager from Milwaukee, WI
"I LOVED the book, May I Kiss You? In
fact, we teach a Healthy Relationship class in
our local middle and high schools, and we have now
added a whole presentation on consent. We had
wanted to add that component which is why I found
out about your book online. It was incredibly
clear and helpful, taking my own understanding on
quite a journey. Thank-you!!"
-
Meg Kuhner, Youth Coordinator, Battered Women's
Services & Shelter
"Domitrz covers a sensitive topic in a unique manner.
. . . He makes you think about the very basic 'kiss'
and how even that act demands permission.".
-
Catherine Lovecchio, Health & Wellness Director,
Villanova University
"Of all the elements of consent, 'asking for permission'
is the most fundamental. This book provides
young adults with both an explanation and practical
advice.".
-
Scott Hampton, Director. Ending the Violence
"May I Kiss You? is not only a must read for
students but for every adult as well. The realities
of dating and intimacy are something that everyone
needs to be aware of. It is nice to have something
that directs this issue at young men as well as young
women. Many books direct this issue primarily at women
because they are statistically at greater risk but
the realization is that both genders are affected.
Young men need to have this awareness too and to have
a clearer concept of what dating should be. I like
this book because it outlines many of the misconceptions
that people have in dating practices. There are so
many confusing aspects in dating relationships that
people don't even recognize that can lead to sexual
misconduct. This book helps illustrate some of those
aspects. May I Kiss You? can benefit all of
us. As an educator in the community on sexual assault
issues, I have found it to be a useful resource for
myself both personally and professionally.
-
Susan Kouns, Rape Victim Services, Pathways Inc.
"I'm not aware of a book like this. May
I Kiss You? gives a healthy, straight-forward
method for ensuring respectful dating behavior.
It is a must read for parents and teens!
Mike puts into words what we’ve known but haven’t
explained very well.”
- Patti Broomell, Counselor, Hamilton High School
"Given the changing nature of dating relationships
over the past several decades, Mike's book provides
a much-needed message for today's society. Everyone
who reads this book, from parents to students to administrators
and others, will benefit from this refreshing look
at the age old topic of relationships. I highly
recommend this book, and I am eagerly awaiting the
arrival of Mike's next book!!"
-
David Dial, Residential Life, Louisiana State University
"Domitrz simplifies the confusion of the dating process
by urging readers to openly communicate their wants
and needs. He empowers both males and females to transcend
stereotypical gender roles and embrace a relationship
that is free from sexual pressure and misunderstandings.".
-
Theresa Asmus, Counselor, Rape Crisis Service
of Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region,
New York
“The book is must read for students
in high school and college. It is a book that
will get you thinking about your current dating practices.
If you think you would never sexually assault someone,
think again, you may already have!!”
- Sharon Hansen, Counselor, Berlin Middle
School
"The book speaks to teens while informing parents
and teachers. Domitrz speaks to both genders rather
than focusing just on what girls need to do to not
be victimized."
-
Jennifer Hegge, Educational Resources Coordinator,
Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault
“The book is unique because it addresses an
important issue in an honest, down to earth fashion.
The tone is one of concern and reading the book feels
like a conversation with Mike. This easy to
read book presents a wealth of information to teens
and adults alike. Its light approach to a serious
subject is very comprehensive and much needed in the
world of dating and exploring relationships.”
-
Suzanne Trummer, ATODA Coordinator, Watertown
School District
"The book focuses all of us to take a look
at ourselves, our actions, and the ability that we
all have to promote change!”
- Laura Pennimpede, Rape Crisis Community Educator,
Victim Assistance Services
"Today, someone was giving away free copies of this
book. Always interested in reading material, and
always curious about relationship issues, I picked
it up and read it . . .
A lot of the stuff I already knew and understood (or
at least thought I did). Other parts were things I'd
sorta thought about, but never really sat down and
analyzed. Others I just didn't think about, period.
While reading the book I realized that I'd been
treating my last would-be boyfriend badly. I never
thought of it as assault, but there were still times
when I acted in a relatively intimate manner . . and
had no idea whether he wanted it or not. I knew he
was attracted to me. But I didn't know if he was
comfortable with what I wanted to do. And to be
honest, I was so drunk with wanting to be intimate
that I was quite willing to risk doing something he
didn't feel ready for. And besides, I was the girl.
He could always turn me down, right?
I feel terrible for it now. Even before reading this
book I felt badly about it, but now I know how to be
aware of that 'drunkenness' when I feel it, and how
to force it back and remind myself to be respectful
of him. After all, it's not his body that I'm really
attracted to, it's his own personness. His unique
soul. How can I disrespect him by only worrying
about what *I* want??
I'm glad that I didn't go any further than I did.
And I know there were times when he wanted to do
things, but wasn't comfortable enough to try them -
or was worried about how I would feel about them,
then or later, and kept himself from doing things he
thought were disrespectful. I'm so glad for that.
And now I think I can learn to be as strong as he
has been.
This book has helped me a lot, even if it's so
simple in what it's saying. I'm going to pass it
around to people I know, even if I think they
already know the lesson, just to help remind them
what they believe and why. Sometimes reading a book
like this can help strengthen your own values.
Anyway . . just wanted to say, thanks for writing
this, Mr. Domitrz. And thanks, whoever it was who
was giving away the books. At least one person has
learned something from them.
-
Robin, a college student in Texas
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